My Navy Dream

                                       When I was 18 years old I decided to join the military.



Travis, Mom, Me & Dad at my swear in ceremony

 

I was terrified.

When I first went to the recruiting station I couldn't believe that I was actually going to sign my life away. I decided to join the Navy and never in my wildest dreams, did I think it would have had such a huge impact on my life.

My PO3 Frocking Ceremony

Training P-Cola

I served in the Navy for five years I was an Aviation Boatswains Mate. I was a "white shirt." I worked in the tower with the Air Boss or Air Operations Officer. I had a very easy job but it was very stressful. I controlled all aircraft within 5 nautical miles of the ship, to ensure their safe landing onboard the USS WASP. This experience alone was one that taught me how to handle stressful situations. Handling aircraft is not an easy task.

I learned a lot of life experiences and traveled the world. I know that would not have been able to have done the things I have done and learned
the things I have if I wouldn't have joined the military.

I have traveled the world some of the places I have been include: Spain, Cuba, the Panama Canal, Nova Scotia, Boston, New York, New Orleans, Ft. Lauderdale, Pensacola, Norfolk, Va., New Jersey, Washington D.C. and Many more. If I would have stayed in Mont Belvieu, Texas I would have never been able to see the things I've seen.

My brother Travis and I in Pensacola, Fl. My family came to visit while I was in Training.

Seeing different parts of the world has opened my eyes to new things that I never knew existed. It let me know that there are other things outside of just what I see at home. When traveling with the Navy from place to place there are many rules and customs you have to follow. You have to "keep your head on a swivel" there is always some sort of danger when your walking around foreign places in your military uniform. In a way I believe it helped me develop street smarts. I am always aware of what is going on around me and its because of the military.

Me at the Port of New Jersey

Along with all of my travels have met a lot of famous people and I have also been on television. I have met the Secretary of the Navy the Honorable Ray Maybus and the Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Jonathan Greenart. I have also met Katy Perry, Trace Adkins, Tom Hanks and Fez from that 70's show. I have appeared on The Weather Channel and also on the New York 4th of July celebration. I have done seen and met very many people and I wouldn't change it at all.

NYC

Katy Perry and I

I have learned how to be responsible for me. While in the navy I was assigned off base housing, for the first time in my life I was living on my own and providing for myself. I never thought that day would come. I gained my own independence. I grew into a  woman. The Navy did that for me.            

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

I'm not saying that it was easy because believe me it was not easy by any means. Everyone has the days that you just want to give up. I have been there and I know what it is like. That's how I learned to lean on my family and my friends for support. The Navy taught me that.


I remember my last night underway. It was really amazing. The captain had visitors onboard and they had a cigar social and non-alcoholic beer it was the perfect way to end my last night underway.

Broadway in NYC

Nova Scotia, Canada Harbor

Fez from That 70's Show

I remember the last day I walked of the USS WASP.

I remember the last salute that I gave the American flag.

I remember being scared because I didn't know what was coming.

I will never regret serving my country, it was the most amazing experience that I have ever had in my whole entire life.

It helped me become the person I am today.

Me and Chief of Naval Operations Ray Maybus

I'm Crouched down launching the Harrier

My last sunset underway

Research

I have had a hard time trying to decide which essay to expand on. I have decided to discuss both essays for this blog because of that. The reason I cannot decide is because I am having a very hard time finding research for each of my topics.

 The first idea I had was to expand on my last essay. For this essay I compared "A Monorhyme for the Shower," and "Discretion." If I were to use this essay to expand on my research topic I would compare the different ways that men view women. I believe there are very different ways that men view women. Those ways can be very controversial when comparing them. I can look at how in "Discretion," There is almost a possessive or stalker way that he views the woman he is with versus in "A Monorhyme for the Shower," I believe he views his wife very lovingly in the way he describes her.

 I have not been very successful in finding very much for this topic. The majority of what I have found I would have to order and I wouldn't have time to receive it and include it in my research. The other articles I have found are more geared toward movies and research. I tried to look up "The Hitchcock gaze" on Academic Search Complete but I have not been successful on finding any information. I decided to google "The Hitchcock gaze" I found a lot of information there but I'm not sure if I can use that information. 

The other topic I have contemplated is the ways children use make-believe to escape from mental and physical child abuse. I would be using my first essay "David's Adventures in Wonderland," in this essay I discussed how David used "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" to escape the mental and physical abuse caused by his mother. For this topic I would try to prove why children use make-believe to escape mental and physical abuse and what some of the side effects are for children that have this issue.

I have been successful finding some articles on this topic, but I am still leaning towards the other topic only because it is a challenge. I am hoping to find more information on the other topic because I find it very interesting.

 

A Monorhyme for the Shower VS. Discretion

In both "A Monorhyme for the Shower" by Dick Davis and "Discretion" by Robert Wrigley, there is a suggested theme of men watching women in their most intimate moments when they least expect it.

These two works are alike because they both have this sensual meaning to them when it comes to women. In "A Monorhyme for the Shower," Davis uses a very sensual and loving way to describe his "wife" if infact that is who she is. In the poem the narrator describes her while taking a shower,
Lifting her arms to soap her hair
Her pretty breasts respond- and there
The movement of that buoyant pair
Is like a spell to make me swear
Twenty-odd years have turned to air;
now she's the girl I didn't dare
Approach, ask out, much less declare
My love to, mired in young despair.(Davis 1-8)
The way he describes his wife so lovingly is very enjoyable but at the same time very intimate. It is the way that the narrator chooses to describe her that makes this poem so unique and very enjoyable to read.

In "Discretion" Wrigley uses this excerpt to describe his significant other,
and the heavenly light showed me everything: its cool tongues of silver lapping mountain
stones and the never-motionless leaves of aspens, licking her back, her hips,
haunches, and more, illuminating..."(Wrigley 3-5).
The narrator uses nature to visually describe his significant other, this helps the reader visualize what the narrator is seeing.

In both works there is a point in each poem where each woman's significant other is watching them in some of the intimate moments described above. This is also where the two poems are very much alike. In "A Monorhyme for the Shower," the line in the last stanza reads, "And turning smiles to see me there" (16).

This is where the two poems are somewhat different. In "Discretion" the narrator was told not to watch her use the bathroom but the narrator does it anyway, "from which I had sworn I would not look" (61).

While comparing these two poems the reader senses that there is a difference in the relationship of the couples in both poems.

In the first poem, the way the narrator describes  his significant other is very loving and he also speaks about "Childbearing, rows, domestic care/All the prosaic wear and tear" (9-10). Here the reader infers that the narrator and this woman have been together many years and have also had children together.

In the second poem the way the narrator describes his significant other is very sexual vs. intimate and loving. "licking her back, her hips,/haunches and more"(4-5). The reader infers that their relationship is very new.

Both of these two poems have very different ways of describing women in their most private moments. There are also very different levels of relationships and different types of intimacy.

The Deer & The Salt Lick

While reading “Salt Lick,” by May Sarton I began to wonder if she used the deer as a metaphor for humans or men or just people in general. If so why did she choose deer and a salt lick to compare us to? You see, at first I thought the narrator was referring to just a deer and a salt lick. But, what do they represent?

The first stanza reads, “They come like deer to a salt lick, they come without fear, come from far and near to lick and lick.”  Who is they? This is what frustrates me about poems in general. They leave so much room for assumptions. Again who is they? Also, why do “they come without fear, come from far and near to lick and lick?” Why do they want the salt so badly? Is the narrator really referring to salt?

The second stanza states, “The salt, a mystery, the written word, not me.” Does the narrator mean that she doesn't know what the salt is that they want so badly? “The written word not me,” is the narrator saying that the words that have been written aren't her? If so I will ask, who is the narrator?

The third stanza states, “But the deer, you see, are confused. I, not the word, am used to fill their need like salt or bread.” My next question is, who is the narrator? Again, who does the deer represent? Why are the deer confused? I don’t understand what “I, not the word” is supposed to mean. “I” as in the letter? That sill means I right? As in the narrator?

So, I’m going to assume she is referring to the narrator. I am also going to assume that the deer are people in general. The “person” or “people” are confused and the narrator, “fills their need like salt or bread.” What is their need? Are “they” taking advantage of the narrator’s kindness?

“On some cold winter day I shall be licked away through no deer’s fault, there will be no more salt.” Here the narrator says “I shall be licked away…” do “you” (narrator) mean that you will be “gone” like the salt lick? “Through no deer’s fault,” this is where “I” as the reader become more confused.

Through the whole poem we read about “deer” coming to lick the salt. If it is not the deer’s fault then who could it be? Also how can there not be any more salt if the deer don’t lick it?

I chose to write about “Salt Lick,” because it is very hard for me to understand. I feel the narrator changes positions so much as well as the “deer.” I feel I had the response I did because I  understand. I believe that the writer wrote in riddles to make the reader read between the lines. This personally bothers me. Why can’t the writer just say what she means? Versus writing in riddles. Although this poem frustrated me I rather like it, after reading it several times I began to understand the meaning of it.  I believe her work would have not been published if she wouldn't have written in this manner, and I rather would prefer reading it this way.

Sounds of the Day By: Norman MacCaig

Sounds of the day? What day is it that you speak of? Are you talking about a specific day of the year? What sounds do you mean? Certain sounds on a certain day?  

While reading Sounds of the Day, a poem by Norman MacCaig very many questions came to mind. Like, what is a lapwing? It is a bird that is popular in Europe. But, what is its significance? Why was it escorting you off of the premises of its private marsh? Was this a place that you and a loved one once shared? Was this place by the water close to the home of you and the loved one you speak of?

“When the door scraped shut, it was the end of all the sounds there are.” When who left is what I might ask? Are you talking about a lover, your wife or your mother? If it is in fact a lover I would believe that the day they left would be the end of all sounds, because all joy is gone and there is nothing left to hear and when there is nothing left to hear there is nothing left to feel.

“You left me beside the quietest fire in the world,” once again who left? What is the fires significance? Could it be a reference to the flame in your heart not crackling like it is supposed to; instead it is silent? Why did your lover leave you? Why was it the quietest fire in the world?

“I thought I was hurt in my pride only, forgetting that, when you plunge your hand in freezing water, you feel a bangle of ice around your wrist before the whole hand goes numb.” When someone you love leaves you, you never only hurt in your pride you hurt in your heart as well. When you refer to your hand are you also playing around with the idea that it is your heart that is numb, from whoever left you leaving your heart in shambles.`

In this short poem I have asked questions about the things that puzzle and mystify me. I believe the point the writer is trying to get across, is that when he was in love, everything that his lover and he shared had sound. I think that when his lover left the last sound he heard was the door scraping shut. He was left by a quiet fire. When I think of a fire I think of a good time and laughter and the fire hot and crackling. But, the narrator says he was left by a quiet fire, how lonely must that be? But, could the fire be symbolizing his love for the person he is talking about? The narrator goes on to say that he was “hurt in my pride only, forgetting that, when you plunge your hand into freezing water…before the whole hand goes numb.” Like I said above I believe he is referring to his heart going numb from his lover leaving him.

David's Escape to Wonderland

In the Graphic Novel Stitches, David Small uses many references to Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Small uses Alice's Adventures in Wonderland; to show how David uses this childhood story as an escape from the mental and physical abuse caused by his parents, grandparents, and other people around him.

In the opening of the book Small depicts David laying on the floor of the living room drawing the bunny rabbit from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. This is the first reference from the book that the reader sees. Here in the opening the reader does not yet know about David's way of "escape". But, it can be inferred that he is distracting himself with it because David goes on to talk about his mother Betty's "language"; "...the slamming of the kitchen cupboard doors....That was her language"  (Small 14). This small reference to the kitchen cupboards that David makes can be taken insignificant at the beginning of the book. The reader soon learns how significant it really is because when his mother is mad she slams things.

David's mother goes to play golf and leaves the care of David in his brother’s hands for four hours. Tim, David's older brother tells David to go upstairs with him so they can go look at their father’s books. David gets disturbed by what he sees and goes into his own world "It was time to play Alice" (55). In this part of the book David wraps a yellow towel around his head. He believes that what gives Alice the "magic powers" to go to Wonderland is her hair. So David runs around town trying to find his way into Wonderland he ends up at a public playground. There, boys call him names for wearing the towel on his head and he is forced to retreat back home. There he finds his way into Wonderland through his drawing paper (62).

After David's second surgery. He finds out that his parents lied to him about the cyst on his neck. It wasn't a cyst after all it was cancer and his parents didn't tell him. He also finds out that the small amount of kindness that was showed to him at the hospital, was all because his parents thought he was going to die. So, after David has his second surgery he begins to feel invisible because of the loss of one of his vocal cords. David begins to retreat inside of himself because he cannot use his voice. One night he has a dream that like Alice's Adventure in Wonderland, he enters these doors and they continue to get smaller and smaller until the smallest one he can fit through. Opens up into this room filled with clutter. The reader then infers that the clutter in this room represents the obstacles he must overcome in his life. Which will include the physical and mental abuse he has incurred from his parents, grandparents and as well as the cancer that his parents kept from him.



Works Cited

Small, David.  Stitches: A Memoir.  New York: Norton, 2009.  Print.

Momsie's Mannequin

When I was a little girl my brother Travis and I would go and visit my great-grandmother. She lived in a little brick house in Silsbee, Texas. I loved Momsie very much, but as I child I remember being very leery and a little frightened of her. Looking back in my memories now I remember why she frightened me so much.

It was sunny and very warm that summer and I remember being so thirsty by the time we arrived. A lot of the times my brother and I would get scared when we would go and visit her. At the time I think she was in her late 80's. I remember always being scared of her because she was elderly.

Her house was very old. I remember she had this ugly musty smelling orange carpet all throughout her whole house. Her house was full of antiques and pretty little trinkets. It was decorated like you would have walked straight into the 1970's.

My brother and I were young at the time and like all children do. We would find ways to entertain ourselves.

One afternoon after we had eaten lunch. Momsie told us to run along and go play. But, with a dark furrowing look on her face she warned us to stay out of her room and the front living room. Looking back now I know why she didn't want us in either of those rooms. The front living room was full of antiques and her room was off limits because we were curious children. There were “dangerous,” scary things in there.

My brother and I decided to play hide and seek. I was first to seek. I counted to ten and then began my hunt for my little brother. I searched the kitchen, the back bedroom, the back living room and even the dining room; but no Travis. I began to worry.

I went to look for Momsie in a panic. I couldn't find her! Then I remembered I didn't check the front living room.

Walking into the front living room was like walking into a dungeon. It was dark and gloomy, except for the light seeping in from the kitchen. I slowly creped my way from the dining room to the front living room. I very quietly tiptoed into the living room. “I hope Momsie doesn’t catch me!” I could hear my mind yelling at myself.

Then as if my hopes were answered I found Travis. I quickly turned around to escape the dungeon and ran into someone or something tall and stiff. In a panic I yanked Travis’s arm and we ran as fast as we could to the kitchen. Light flooded all around us and we were safe. Or so we thought.

Out of breath and still a little scared I asked Travis if he knew where Momsie was. He shook his head “no.” There was only one more place to look, her room the only other place we weren’t allowed to go.

Travis and I quietly opened the door, and tiptoed into the room. It was very dark but the bathroom light left some shadow in the room. We still didn’t see her. Then I had a hunch. I opened the closets sliding door, and I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. There was someone in the closet!

I grabbed Travis’s hand, ran into our bedroom and hid in the closet.

Travis and I fell asleep in the closet and I woke up to Momsie calling our names. She was back! When I saw Momsie I ran up to her and gave her a big hug and told her what happened. Then she said “You silly girl, the “person” you ran into in the living room was a mannequin.” Then I said, “Well what about in your room?” She replied, “That was me I scared you so that you wouldn’t go back in there.”

I remember always being so scared of Momsie as a child up until that visit. I think her scaring me, then her telling me that she did it on purpose. Helped me realize how scared of her I shouldn’t be. Just because she was old and wrinkly didn’t mean I should have been scared of her.